I can’t be alone on this.
RULES FOR RIDING IN MY CAR
1.) Wear your seatbelt.
If I choose not to wear mine, that’s on me. I’ll risk the ticket. I won’t risk the ticket for your ass. Nor will I be held responsible for you catapulting through my windshield in the event of an accident.
On the flip side of that, I won’t be held responsible if you’re wearing your seatbelt and get trapped inside my vehicle. That’s between you, your surviving family members, your insurance, your attorney, the state and automaker.
Not it.2.) All body parts are to remain inside the vehicle at all times.
I don’t go back for lost hats, shoes, flip flops or twirling things that look cool.3.) Don’t touch the radio.
I don’t walk into your home and change the channel on your t.v.
Don’t get in my car and start flippin’ through the stations.
My vehicle. My music. Oh, and an addendum to the whole radio thing.
This.4.) Don’t touch the AC/Heat.
If you’re hot/cold let me know. I’m not an asshole.
I’ll cool you off or warm you up but if it’s already balls hot in my vehicle and you’re still cold I suggest you layer.
If you can hang meat in my vehicle and you’re still hot. Unlayer.
Be happy I have both. It could be worse.
5.) Much like the state parks – If you carry it in, carry it out.
This means any and all fast food bags, drinks, candy wrappers, gum wrappers, straw wrappers, game/cd/dvd wrappers…
YOUR WATER BOTTLES…
Please, and thank you.
6.) You’re the food prepper.
If we go through a drive-thru your job is to put the straw in my drink and unwrap my burger – half way, not all the way. I don’t need a bunch of shit falling down the front of my shirt – and hand it to me.
On the trips that I choose nuggets instead of a burger I suggest you choose something you can eat with one hand because your other one will be holding my nuggets and dipping sauce.
And be prepared with a million napkins.
See, I’m not alone. These girls get it.
7.) AND MOST IMPORTANTLY
– If I have a drink in my drink holder –
DO NOT EXFOLIATE YOUR ARM ACROSS THE TOP OF MY FUCKING STRAW REACHING FOR SOMETHING OR WHILE YOU’RE TRYING TO ADJUST YOURSELF IN YOUR SEAT.
Do all of your reaching and adjusting before we’re rollin’ down the road.
8.) Don’t start sorting through your purse, backpack or wallet while I’m driving.
We’re going to the fucking store. You’re not moving in.
9.) Wear deodorant.
DO NOT WEAR “AXE”. You’re not a 12 yr. old boy lookin’ to get laid.
Do not bathe in your cologne/perfume. You’re not a 7-Eleven/Mobil gas station owner.
Take a shower and call it a day.
10.) My vehicle doesn’t run on “thanks for the ride.”
If I’m heading into town or you’re somewhere along my travels and you need to hitch a ride. Cool. But if I’m taking time out of my day to pick you up and drive you to the other side of the state?
And you can forget the ass and grass but fabric might work. – Just sayin’..What about you guys? Any rules for people along for the ride? I know you’ve got some and I wanna’ hear ’em!
Happy August 1st! Who can believe this year has flown by so fast? Halloween and Christmas stuff is already up n’ on sale around here.
I have to say. I’m not looking forward to the cold and gray skies of winter but a break from the never-ending heat would be nice. If it could stay spring and fall year round that’d be awesome. Throw in a few 80-ish degree days for tanning purposes and then be done with it.
Oh. And the sun must shine always unless we’re getting a phenomenal thunderstorm which never happens here.
So yeah. Sunshine every day would be nice.
I hope wherever you are the weather is being kind to you. I hope people are being kind to you too, and you to them.
We need more of that.
Mimi’s quote for the day –