PIECES OF ME

I feel like I should be a magician on my blog.
Now you see me. Now you don’t.
I’ve delayed posting because I may be traveling soon and my travels won’t allow for regular blogging so I was going to wait until I got back. As of this post, it’s still up in the air, so here I am back at it in the off chance that my travel plans fall through. I suppose I could write some drivel and schedule posts for when/if I’m gone but pre-scheduled posting doesn’t work for me.
In the words of Julia Roberts in ‘Pretty Woman,’ “I’m a fly by the seat of my pants kinda’ girl.”
My friend “Frannie” said that I should write more of the real life shit that actually happens and not the fluff that I have been writing. So, ready or not, here are a few real life shit “pieces of me.”
My life as of late. Nothing earth-shattering. I do what I do.
Sewing, reading, writing, church on Sundays, meeting up with friends when all of our planets align, and lately, going to a never ending stream of doctor appointments.According to my oncologist, I am cancer free and should be for the rest of my life. – Go me! –
On the flip side of that coin is the thought, yeah well, 3 months before I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer my primary doc gave me a clean bill of health but told me to quit smoking and lose some weight. So my current oncologist telling me that I should be cancer free for the rest of my life, meh, maybe, maybe not but definitely words of hope to hang onto. The reality is though, once you have cancer, every cough, every itch, every nap will unconsciously send your thoughts and heart racing back to, “what if it’s the cancer again?” It’s the nature of the beast.
Cancer will always be a part of me.
It will always be the boogie man hiding under the bed.
Other real life shit. Altho my oncologist says I’m cancer free I am not free of the side effects of my cancer treatment.I have chronic neuropathy in my feet which will keep me on the disability list for the rest of my life. It will never get better, only worse, which is somewhat frightening because at this moment I’d like to take a chainsaw and cut my feet off. Not even kidding. The pain is excruciating.
Tonight my feet are blocks of ice and numb until I stub my toe or bump a table leg, then it’s like you’re outside in the freezing cold, no gloves, your fingers are so cold they hurt and then you bump one? That pain? TIMES A MILLION. Throughout the day it feels like my feet are on fire and I’m walking on shards of glass and hot coals. There is no in between, it is always, forever will be, one or the other.

Neuropathy is the gift that keeps on giving and comes with side effects of it’s very own. Not only are my feet fucked up but also my back because with neuropathy you walk so cautiously favoring one foot over the other, or both, it throws everything off and your back does a lit’l twist n’ shout all it’s own. Back surgery is definitely in my future but not my immediate future.

I have an appointment with a pain specialist next month so we’ll see what he can do. None of the neuropathy medications on the market work for me and I don’t do pain meds because they have zero effect on me. Vicodin speeds me up and the rest are like taking Ibuprofen so I take Ibuprofen.
More real life shit? I’ve been diagnosed with adult ADHD. Shocking. I know. I also started therapy.
Apparently I have issues. Who doesn’t?
This is what therapy looks like most days.
Seriously. I got these on my first session and I use them a lot. In therapy, we chat and I color. At home, I color 20 minutes before bed. Supposed to clear the mind. It works.

We talk a lot about to toxic people and situations and the importance of eliminating both from my life. Fortunately, as I was weaning myself off a few they hurried things along by being assholes and eliminated themselves so yay, less work for me to do.
Whew. I think that’s enough real life shit for the moment. There’s other real life shit going on but it’s the same for everybody.
Politics, shooting, more politics, more shootings. I give up on all of it. It makes no sense.
Happy Monday folks. Here’s to making it through the day without shooting someone over their politics, their religion, who they love, where they live or how much or how little money they make.
When we were kids we all walked to school together. We sat and learned together, and at the end of the day we walked each other home and chatted along the way.
What happened to us?
Mimi’s quote for the day –

27 thoughts on “PIECES OF ME

  1. Joanne Earle says:

    I am so happy you are cancer free but that really sucks about your feet. 😦 I hope you have a good trip though. Politics…..it’s going to get worse before it gets better, sad to say. I cannot wait till this is overwith. I should pick up colouring again but my focus has been on stitching which is like colouring only with thread. haha

    Liked by 1 person

    • Angel Stew & Devil's Brew says:

      Thank you Joanne. Believe it or not if I keep my feet moving I’m okay. The pain is there but what can ya’ do? It’s at night when you’re settling in and your body is relaxing.. Yeah. That’s the worst part of my day. – Politics. Ugh. I feel the same way about that as I do this weather. Move the hell on.

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  2. leannelc says:

    You are amazing – I think I’d go stark raving mad if I had to put up with pain like that every day. Really happy about the cancer-free diagnosis (and I’m a bit of a colouring in lover too) and couldn’t agree more about shedding toxic people along the way!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Angel Stew & Devil's Brew says:

      Thank you Leanne. 🙂 The pain *is* horrific but I’m hoping the pain specialist has a plan. And oh yes, shedding the toxic ones.. It’s down to the nitty gritty now. I’ve just about got them all out and it feels won-der-ful!

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  3. tracie c says:

    First off I love when you write and I love that you shared these pieces of it with us.

    The cancer. Fucking cancer. I can only imagine that boogie man living in the shadows.
    Your chronic neuropathy, shit. As if the fucking cancer wasn’t enough.

    ADHD I get it. The older I get the worse it becomes. I often say if there was a camera that time lapsed my day and how I get things done…. ridiculous. But mostly I do get shit done but rarely all at once without 4 other things getting juggled at the same time.
    My week+ off FB has helped me exponentially as it has become one less time taker and distraction for me among a few other things. I’ve been able to refocus the energy into good stuff.

    The state of the world… such a mess.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Angel Stew & Devil's Brew says:

    Thank you Tracie. It’s difficult. I hide behind humor a lot and try to stay away from the personal stuff but lately my life is all about the personal and a lot of it ain’t pretty, lemme tell ya’. And I am so happy to know that another person feels the same way about FB as I do. It IS a time stealer! It sounds like you get shit done the same way I do. I call it my helter skelter way. There is a method to my madness, unfortunately that method makes absolutely no sense to anyone else in my life. They don’t understand how I can have 4 things going at once and me, I’m like, well how can I not, it needs to get done. I’ll be interested to see what kind of treatment all of these docs have in store for me, and of course, I’ll be sharing more “pieces of me.” 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. S. J. Qualls says:

    Good Monday morning, Mimi. I’m glad you are going to therapy – I mean that in a good way. (I’ll bet you did a double take) I like the idea of the coloring and clearing your mind. Sorry about cancer in the first place, and I understand your leeriness of the words ‘cancer free’ from the doctor. I’m glad for that anyway. Not sure I understand – your treatment caused the foot problem or the cancer did?
    Real life sucks. (Unless you have a bundle of money and then I doubt it. It would be better with the money though.) I don’t know if people have become worse or if I am just more aware of the bull. Getting tired of “The next thing.”
    Take care now.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Angel Stew & Devil's Brew says:

      Good morning to you SJ, and thank you. The chemo caused the nerve damage to my feet and I’m very fortunate it stopped there. I was on the strongest – most toxic – chemo drugs. Because my cancer was aggressive the treatment had to be as well. – As for people, and primarily the political folks, this world is going to hell in a handbasket and make no mistake, both of those handbaskets will be made in China. Both sides are a part of this mess. Ugh. Makes my head hurt just thinking about it.

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  6. Comedy Plus says:

    I had no idea you had so many health issues. I hope things get better and I hope the rest of the toxic people exit stage left. We are in the process of culling the toxic folks out of our lives. Volunteering shouldn’t be this hard.

    Have a blessed day my friend. ☺

    Liked by 1 person

    • Angel Stew & Devil's Brew says:

      Hahaha. Well, your first sentence made me laugh out loud Sandee! Hahahaha. I’m not a 100 with a million ailments. I had cancer, it had side effects. It sucks but fortunately for me my “many health issues” are invisible so guys still wanna’ “do” me. Hahahahahaah 😀 – And kudos for getting rid of the toxins. It’s soooo freeing. “One less bell to answer, one less egg to fry!” – Happy Monday!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Joe Ormerod says:

    Me? I love everything you write and read them eagerly! Glad the oncologist has given you a clean bill of health, the neuropathy sucks and I hope they find a way to help you. Traveling eh? Wouldn’t happen to have anything to do with a certain Mitten would it? Lol
    Keep on doing what you do, we love should for it!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Angel Stew & Devil's Brew says:

      Thank you Joe and me too! I’m hoping there’s a treatment that doesn’t include pain meds. Fingers, eyes and toes all crossed. – And no, no mitten adventures at the moment. Seattle. I’ll let you know when I’m headed your way. 🙂

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  8. Debbie D. says:

    That’s a lot of real life shit to deal with! 😦 Makes my piddly complaints about arthritis seem insignificant. Congratulations on beating cancer, but I hope you can get some relief for your feet! Adult ADHD sounds like something many of us have. Colouring as therapy? That’s an interesting idea. Are you going back to Michigan? We’ll be spending a few days there, Aug, 1-4 (Ann Arbor and Frankenmuth). The Blogosphere definitely slows down in summer; don’t sweat it if you’re busy elsewhere. Your true fans will always be there. Cheers!

    Like

    • Angel Stew & Devil's Brew says:

      Nope. Your arthritis is not insignificant. I used to tell people this all the time when I was in chemo. They’d constantly apologize for complaining about a cold or their back, and here’s the deal. Pain is pain. Feeling shitty, is feeling shitting. It’s the same no matter what kind of “bug” has gotten a hold of you. Your arthritis is no less than my neuropathy. I watched my dad with his arthritis and it was awful and clearly painful. I hope you can get some relief for your joints! That’s a tough one. – Yeah, I think the whole coloring thing is to relax you and open you up, you’re more likely to give honest answers, and it does slow things down a bit and that’s a noticeable difference. – And I TOTALLY agree with you Debbie and I said exactly that when they told me I have adult ADHD, I said, “Well doesn’t everybody??” I know I’m not alone on that one. – And nope, no trip to the mitten this time but do enjoy. Ann Arbor is nice and Frankenmuth is AWESOME! Christmas.ALL.YEAR.ROUND! – Thanks so much Debbie. It’s nice to know I have fans and that they are true.

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      • Debbie D. says:

        Your pain levels are probably higher; mine tend to come and go but yes, pain is pain. Interesting theory about the colouring therapy. I would likely find it boring, as I do any repetitive task, but I shouldn’t knock it if I haven’t tried it. Glad to know it’s helping you! We’ve been to Frankenmuth before (it’s about 5 hours from here) and love it there! The Christmas store is fun but the town is the main attraction, with its gorgeous landscaping and German food, just like Oma used to make. 🙂 You must have tons of fans! Your honesty and forthrightness are so refreshing in this world of fakery and deception.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Angel Stew & Devil's Brew says:

        The coloring actually does help to a degree. More so just before I go to bed. Helps me clear my thoughts. – You’re right, Frankenmuth on the whole is just beautiful, and yes, I am one of those standing in that line wrapped around the building for my chicken dinner! 😀 – Not sure about a fan base. I suppose it depends on which side of my “honesty and forthrightness” you’re standing on whether or not you find it refreshing. Hahahaha. Most people just walk away thinking I’m a bitch. 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  9. sunainabhatia says:

    My love and hugs to you….You are a strong and courageous woman, and even though cancer as a boogie man upsets you, I am sure you will be able to kick him away if he resurfaces. The side-effects are shamelessly painful and stay with you….but again, your strength will enfeeble them too….So my best wishes to you on that…..ADHD…..that’s strange but coloring is good anyways, right…..:)…..The quotes you shared here are interesting as well as inspiring…..:)

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Angel Stew & Devil's Brew says:

    Aw, thank you so much for your kind words. I take no credit for my strength and courage. I come from a long line of strong and courageous people, starting with my Father in Heaven. 🙂 Much love and hugs right back at ya’! 😀

    Like

  11. Angel Stew & Devil's Brew says:

    Thank you Bernadette. And yes. There is a lot of info here. Imagine it in my head every day, and everything else to go with it. 🙂 Surprisingly I’m neither an alcoholic nor a drug addict. I tend to roll with the punches that life throws because ya’ know? Whatta’ ya’ gonna’ do, huh? I do what everybody else does. I open my eyes in the morning and decide whether or not I’m getting out of bed. 🙂 Thank you for reading this.

    Like

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