CATCHING UP

Apparently the A to Z challenge neither taught me nor instilled in me the where-with-all (where the hell did that come from?) to write daily. Sigh.
Catching up. First of all, let’s address all of you whom I consider online/real life friends – you know who you are – regarding my very own personal, “Missed Connection Monday – This Is Why I Don’t Date” post.
Thanks for wanting me to be happy to throw me headfirst into the arms of a serial killer!
Yes, he was cute. Yes, he seemed nice but guess what??? People said the same thing about Ted fucking Bundy!!!!
So, just to be clear.
– No, I am not going out with this guy! –
To be fair, things could have worked out muuuuuccccchhhh differently had my “Missed Connection” worked at JoAnn Fabrics. Of course, if he worked there he probably wouldn’t have asked for my number, just sayin’… Every fabric store I’ve ever gone in that had a guy working in it, that guy has been clearly and openly gay.
FYI, I now shop at Lowe’s for all of my hardware needs.
In defiance, I chose to sit home this long weekend. I made or attempted to make plans for the past two weeks and all but one fell through so now I’m just like, fuck it. I’ll stay home and be on my own damn schedule instead of waiting around for other people who don’t show up and plans that don’t pan out.
Color me irritated.
I’ve been working on some inventory for my “maybe, maybe not” Etsy shop. Not sure I’m going that route or not. I think I’m going to go with just showcasing things on Facebook and here, and then this fall hit up a few craft shows. I’ve already got people inboxing me about winter hats n’ scarves and baby stuff. Of course, all of you get the “sneak peeks.”
I’ve also started a couple of different journal ideas to keep myself on track in all areas of my life that would otherwise spin completely, and totally out of control. I’ll share those projects too.
Also, I’m starting my Christmas shopping. I know, I know but think about it, folks. Christmas is only 6 months away. I’m shopping, wrapping and cataloging it all! Laugh, sigh, faint away in disbelief but guess who won’t be stressing during this holiday season??? This girl right here.
I hope everyone had a safe, reflective Memorial Day weekend.
I’m off to visit some blogs now.
Happy Tuesday that feels like Monday!
Here’s a lit’l sneak peek of the baby quilt and toy I did..
I call it, “Puppy Love.”
It’s my very first “rag quilt” and I think I’ll be making a lot of these…
That’s all folks…

“MISSED CONNECTION MONDAY” – This is why I don’t date

No need to look in the “Craigslist’s serial killer hunting ground” for today’s “missed connection” because this “missed connection” actually involved me!
And this is why I don’t date.
I went to ‘Home Depot’ to get some wooden dowels for my windows/sliding glass door because we now have some questionable, non-English speaking men living upstairs who have not undergone a background check per “move in regulations.”
I mentioned this in yesterday’s post.
As with most moments in my life, I’m in a hurry. I walk into ‘Home Depot’ with my list and measurements in hand. I stop and ask a cashier where the dowels are and tell her I’ll need someone to cut them for me. She says, “Oh, we have a saw station at the end of the aisle.”
I say, “Oh, well, I’ll need someone to do that for me. I’m in a bit of a hurry.”
She says she’ll send someone over to help me. Perfect.
Off I go.

– Keep in mind, I’m in a hurry.
I told the cashier I was IN A HURRY. –
I’m in the aisle. I spot my “helper.” I immediately start rattling off what I need and my helper just stands there looking at me. I talk fast so I’m thinking, a.) He didn’t understand me or b.) He was too far away to hear what I said. I repeat myself. Again he stands there looking at me. And just when I’m about to be a smart ass and say, “Hello, McFly” my helper starts moving his hands and motioning to his ears and mouth.
MY HELPER IS A DEAF MUTE!
Did I mention I was in a hurry?????
Fuck! – I show my list to him pointing to the length and the width I need, he, in turn, points to the dowels and the “saw station” – FYI, the “saw station” is a hand saw and some rulers.
Are you fucking kidding me right now???
I grab my dowels and head to the front of the store nearly running into another worker.
Thus begins my very own personal “missed connection.”
ME – (Shoving the dowels into the other worker’s face.) “Can you hear and do you speak?”
MC/missed connection (He chuckles.) “Well, yes I can and yes I do. What can I help you with?”
ME – (Holding the dowels inches from his face) “I need these cut. I’m in a hurry. Can you cut these for me?”
MC – “I can do that. What sizes do you need?” (I hand him my list.)

At the saw station he asks me what I’m using the dowels for. I tell him and we end up discussing  the crime rate in Boise and he tells me he’s a retired L.A. Detective.
He then proceeds to give me a million and one safety tips and questions the measurements for my dowels.
MC – “You know you want to make sure you get these long enough so that a person couldn’t stick his arm through the window and dislodge the dowel.”
ME – (Pointing at myself from head to toe.) “Detroit girl. I got it. And trust me, long before they got their arm through my window they’d be a dead man.”
He smiles. It’s a nice smile. He’s a handsome guy.
So, handsome MC with the nice smile finishes cutting the dowels and hands them to me and then, BOOM.
MC – “May I ask for you phone number?”
ME – (Taking note of his manners.) “You may ask but the answer is no.”
He stares at me. He has crystal blue eyes.
MC – “Why not?”
ME – “Well, Mr. Bold, did you miss the part about me being the Detroit girl?”
MC – (Smiling.) “Did you miss the part about me being the retired Detective from L.A.?”
ME – “Prove it. Where are your credentials?”
He stares at me again.
MC – “Where are yours?” (He smiles)
ME – “Seriously? Have you met anyone here in Idaho as mouthy as me, with an attitude like mine and a voice that sounds like “The Nanny,” who asked to see your credentials AND wouldn’t give you their phone number?” (He laughs out loud this time. He has a nice laugh too…)
MC – “Well, if you change your mind I’m here every day.” (Another smile.)
ME – (Dripping with sarcasm.) “Perfect. I’ll be back tomorrow.” And off I go to pay for my shit.
I go to the same cashier who sent my flippin’ “helper.” She says, “How did everything work out for you?” I said, “It didn’t. I tell you I’m in a hurry and you send me some guy that can’t hear and doesn’t speak.” She says, “Oh, that’s Carl. He reads lips.” I said, “Well apparently not these lips because he did nothing for me.” Then I hear laughing, that laugh. My very own personal “missed connection” laugh. I look up and my MC is standing up at the customer service desk listening to my every word, pointing at himself mouthing the words, “every day, I’m here, every day.”
I smiled at him, walked out the door and haven’t been back since.
And that, folks is my very own personal “Missed Connection Monday” post.
Here’s to a great week ahead filled with great smiles, beautiful eyes, and amazing laughter.

HOW DO YOU PLEAD?

Last week I went into ‘Home Depot’ to get some wooden dowels for my windows and sliding glass door.
Yes. Dowels.
Since we’ve had a bit of a shift in the upstairs neighbors I felt some minor deterrents might be in order.
***Stay tuned. This trip to ‘Home Depot’ is my very own “Missed Connection Monday” post.
Remember when I was doing my happy dance about the upstairs neighbors moving out?
– Per the managers own mouth. Liar.
Only the girl and the forever crying baby moved out.
Baby daddy, a.k.a., “concrete feet” stayed behind.
Of course, he did. – And he’s not alone.
“Concrete feet” decided to move 2 or 8 of his closest buddies in. Which, as far as I can tell consists of at least two more adult males and a group of teenage boys who like to hang around in the parking lot leaning on cars or loitering around the building blocking the sidewalk and stairwell.
As you can imagine. With all of this male testosterone swirling about it’s even louder! Forget about the elephants running up and down the stairs. That’s nothing compared to the never-ending buzzing coming from upstairs now.  I swear they’ve replaced the forever crying baby with power tools! Not even kidding. Of course, my creepy crime show mentality immediately goes to, “they must be hacking up bodies up there!”
With these teenage boys – liars, might I add – and at least one of those adult males, suddenly a bike rack has appeared outside of my front door! Which would be super cool except I don’t own a bike but apparently ALLLLLLLLLL of them do!
Side Note:  “Lying teenage boys”
ME – Hey guys, would you please pick up the garbage you left all over up there on the sidewalk?
THEM – (Looking me straight in the eyes) That’s not ours.
ME – Really? All of those candy wrappers and drink lids laying around by those bikes, that’s not from you guys?
THEM – Nope.
ME – Those aren’t your bikes?
THEM – Nope.
ME – Perfect. Listen to me very carefully, you’re going to be hearing these words a lot.
“How do you plead?”
They all just looked at me. I walked over to the office to issue my complaint. They all scattered. I haven’t seen them since. I also haven’t seen any garbage around my front door and now instead of a full bike rack there are only two bikes tucked nicely under the stairwell.
Mission accomplished.
Here’s the thing. It’s not that I’m a nosey neighbor. I could give two shits what anyone else is doing in my building as long as what they’re doing doesn’t effect me. I keep an eye on things because it’s the smart thing to do. And it gives me fodder for my blog. There’s a single mom that lives across the back fence and she has an old, creepy next door neighbor that is constantly trying to get her to go into his apartment. I take note of that. If anything ever happens to her. I’ll tell the cops to check him out first.
The building next to us throws loud ass parties every weekend and their back patio area looks like a dumpster of beer cans and pizza boxes by Sunday morning. Not my deal. They keep it over there and I’m fine with that. The noise upstairs in my own building I can deal with and vent here about. The garbage and broken down bikes at my front door? Nope. Not gonna’ deal with that. It wasn’t like that when I moved in. I won’t tolerate it now. And my biggest issue with the upstairs situation? We all had to pass a background check to move in here. No felons allowed. Who knows what those new guys are upstairs. Besides non-English speaking.
I know none of us can be 110% certain about those around us. Years ago ‘Psychology Today’ magazine wrote an article stating that of every 10 cars that pass you on the road, at least one of them has someone in it that is plotting a murder. That’s scary. I imagine it’s the same if you’ve got more than 10 people around you and I’m guessing that number is even higher in 2016. Call me a whimp, call me paranoid but I take precautions. I like to think of it as giving the criminals out there a bit of a warning…  For the moment that warning is wooden dowels.. 

NOTHING WORDLESS ABOUT THIS WEDNESDAY

Seriously folks I’ve been trying to post since Monday. I’ve had several posts started and then BOOM, life. Some happy life, some not so happy. Some really shitty, frustrating, my hands are tied, nothing I can do, life. The latter life being the most crushing because you know a bullet would just make things so much easier, and happier.
Yeah, that kind of life…
And then, out of the blue, THIS LIFE!A happy, “just because,” box of “mitten luv” found on my front porch. A HUGE mitten mug and a beautiful card from my friend the ‘Beastly Bear‘ and his wife ‘Mama Bear.’ I boo hoo’d a lit’l bit. I’m not gonna’ lie. I needed this slice of life sooooo badly and I couldn’t wait to use it this morning and start my day out with a cup o’ luv! I have to say though, reading all of those familiar cities and Great Lakes, and seeing the mitten shape and the U.P. (upper peninsula) and Canada.. Got me a lit’l homesick. Okay, A LOT homesick.. (Sigh)
Again, my heartfelt thanks to ‘Beastly Bear‘ and ‘Mama Bear’ for this wonderful slice of “happy life” and “mitten luv.” You have no idea how much I needed this…
In other news. I know I need to get my “Reflections” post done for the ‘Blogging from A to Z Challenge.’ I also know that I have until the 13th to get that done so guess when I’ll be posting it? Yeah, probably on the 13th. Maybe. Who knows. Could be tomorrow. I haven’t really given it much thought just off the cuff observances.. So, that’s coming.My friend CiCi has been visiting off and on for the past couple of weeks while she gets some medical procedures done. Spending the night, sometimes, several nights. Lots of laughter but not so much accomplished by way of crafting. I did start a table topper for CiCi while she was here the first time. Truly only a 3 hour project tops and here it sits not finished because, well, laughter. I’ll have it finished by the time CiCi comes back on Monday.I have a couple of other projects underway. Building up my inventory.. I’ll post those pics as I go along. I’m also trying my hand at a few new crafts, AND, working on shedding a few pounds before I enter myself as a flippin’ float into the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade in the fall!
Down 13lbs. so far! Go me!
The rest of my day is going to consist of sewing and catching up on blogs. That’s pretty much it. Who knows, I may even get that “Reflection” post knocked out.
We’ll see.I hope you’re all having a great Wednesday and that all of your slices of life are happy ones.

Missed Connection Monday – Walmart “Soul Mate” Edition

“Missed Connection Monday” is brought to you by your local Craigslist. These are real “love notes” that strangers leave for other strangers in the ‘Personals’ section of Craigslist. Or as I like to call it –
‘Your local serial killer hunting ground.’
BEAUTIFUL BLONDE GIRL SUBWAY (WALMART) – m4w
I just moved here from Arkansas.
Me and my sis went to walmart to buy some things like always.
***And that’s all we need to know about this guy.
“I just moved here from Arkansas. Me and my sis went to walmart…”
– Can we just leave it at that and just assume this guy is an inbred jed cuz fucker? –
CUTEST GIRL AT WALMART (AUNTIEANNE’S) – m4w
I guess I was so damn ready but just didn’t know. I told you I had a dream about pretzels last night, and you told me I was lucky hah. I didn’t leave any feedback but you being a fantastic lady would you mind working with my dough-head for a night of adventure? MISSED CONNECTION – I WONT MAKE THAT MISTAKE FOR YOU TWO TIMES :}}
Met a friend outside so maybe it was right were I was needing to be.
***I’m not entirely sure what a “dough-head’s” idea of “a night of adventure” is but I’m pretty sure it involves duct tape and chloroform – oh, and pretzels!
WALMART PHARM TECH – m4w
I was picking up my prescription today at the Walmart on Overland by Roaring springs. When I dropped off my script o gave it to a very attractive Pharmacy tech named Ariel. I wanted to tell you how attractive you are. But didn’t want to make it weird or awkward in front of your coworkers. Anyway if this somehow makes it way to you. I would love to talk and get to know you better.
***Because this won’t be weird or awkward, right?WOMAN AT EAGLE WALMART – m4w
I didn’t get your name or info , when I got out my car you said nice shirt and at the time I didn’t think about it but I want to say more but didn’t. If you some how find this let me know what I was driving and the shirt I was wearing 🙂
***REALLY???? This is the stalker trigger?! -“Nice shirt.”
You didn’t get her name or info because it was a fucking compliment you moron, not an invite to a party.And they lived happily-ever-after…Happy Monday everybody. Here’s to a phenomenal week ahead!
If anybody needs me I’ll be out on the patio reading or at my sewing machine.
One thing’s for certain. I won’t be at Walmart!
Be well.