(Z)IPPER – Blogging from A to Z

ZSound the trumpets! It’s the last day. The last letter. The last word!
And that word is, ZIPPER!
The invention of the zipper started back in 1851. A couple of guys had a general idea and finally in 1913 some other guy got it right and pretty much that’s the zipper we have today. You can read all about it, here.
Side note: Zippers initially were used on shoes, boots, and tobacco pouches. Then in World War I the Navy used them for uniforms. Last lit’l tidbit, B.F. Goodrich is the one who named them “zippers” because of the sound they made.
The nerd girl in me found this more interesting than it probably is..
In the “Did You Know” section of life pertaining to all things zipper-ish.
A guy getting his schlong caught in his zipper is the number one cause of penile injury in the United States and that these injuries are most prevalent if you’re a male between the ages of 29-45.
***Cranky, be sure and let Mrs. Cranky know you no longer need her assistance.
If you find yourself in the predicament as described above with the whole stuck schlong thing going on. You’ll be happy to know that Wikihow can help you out.
Not even kidding.
How To Free A Penis From A Stuck Zipper.”
Seriously. They list two options for you. The “treating at home” method or the embarrassing trip to “treating at the hospital.”
***“If the skin cannot be freed otherwise, the use of an elliptical skin incision or an emergency circumcision will be performed by a urologist under general anesthesia.”
If I were a guy. I’d stay home.
Apparently no so awkward if you’re at a zipper convention…
zipper conventionYeah, you may wanna’ rethink your sign…
***Grab your eye bleach…

Maybe he should’ve got in the line for brains instead of courage…And one for the ladies. It’s truer than you know…Just ask “Cranky.”This last and final A to Z post has been brought to by the suggestion of “Cranky” and the twisted mind of moi.
Side note:Cranky” and I should probably never attend the same parties together unless we’ve got enough bail money in our wallets.
Thank you all again for following along. You’ve made it so much fun for me and you are all appreciated SO much!
It’s a beautiful weekend here. No more cold temps and whipping winds. I’ll be on the patio with a bottle of wine.
It’ll be so nice to resume normal blogging tomorrow without a letter dictating what I post about!
Love the challenge but it is a challenge!
Peace out folks.

(Y)OURSELF

Listen. Can you hear the angels singing in heaven???
Unfortunately, the devil resides on planet earth…Case and point.
This post comes with a complimentary bottle of eye bleach.
You’re welcome.
***Tomorrow is the end of the Blogging from A to Z challenge.
Can I get a hell yeah?!
It’s been a lot of fun and I thank all of you so, so much for following along with me on my, “I swear I’m never going to do this challenge again” journey.

As suggested by Joe over at ‘The Cranky Old Man,’ tomorrow’s last and final word of the challenge will be (Z)IPPER!
What could possibly go wrong??
If you aren’t already, I encourage you all to stop by “Cranky’s” blog and show some love.
It’s one of my most favorite blogs in the whole wide blog-o-verse and it will be one of yours too!
So go on over and take a look around and leave him some comment love!

DISCLAIMER: If tomorrow’s post has you reaching for the eye bleach again. Blame “Cranky!

(X)YLOLOGY – Blogging from A to z

Throwing caution to the wind today because hey, we’re on the letter X and this was the most interesting “X” word I could find.
XylologyThe study of wood.
For this post, “wood” will be defined by the Urban Dictionary of all things slang.
Example: “Shamiqua was jonesin’ for my jock, so I slipped her the good wood.”
Yeah, let’s just go ahead and give this one to the devil…
If you’re a woman who’s married or in a relationship, you’ve willingly, unwillingly or subconsciously, been a student of Xylology.And if you’ve been married a super long time or have been in a long term relationship you’ve probably got a degree in it.
Hang it on the wall.
The first morning you woke up next to your beloved. You earned it.

Raise your hand if you’ve ever been nearly impaled by this.Here are some more “X” words pertaining to “wood” and their definitions.
Xylogenous – growing on wood.
***Run. Stay away from all wood that has something growing on it!

Xyloglyphy – wood carving.
Xylography – art of engraving on wood
Xylopyrography – engraving designs on wood with hot poker
***One word – OUCH!

Xylopolist – one who sells wood.
***Also known as prostitution. Stay away from this guy too.

Xylophilous – fond of wood.
***Me!

Xylophagous – wood eating.
***Guilty.

Xylotomous – wood cutting.
***Think Lorena Bobbit.

And because there are few lines I won’t cross….
Xylan – gelatinous compound found in wood
***It’s been said probably by men that this gelatinous compound is pure protein.
If that’s the case ladies, instead of waking up and rummaging thru the fridge for this…

Let your man serve you breakfast in bed instead.
Coincidence? I think not.

(W)ONDER – Blogging from A to Z

‘W’ is for “wonder.” As in I wonder how I’m going to make it through these last 3 letters of the alphabet. For being only 26 letters it sure feels like a million and 26! Ugh. And now I’m being another ‘w’ word – whiner!
Some days it feels just like that…
Yep. I’m pretty sure you could Mr. Fender.
If I were a man I’d be using that thing as a lightsaber!

Butterflies? No. Boners? Yes.Hopefully hitting the lottery…wonder breadPlease step away from the ‘Wonder Bread…’

It would become an English speaking state of carnivores?? Just a guess.I wonder how many people I’ve offended with this post.
Just kidding. I never wonder that.

(V)INTAGE – Blogging from A to Z

‘V’ is for “vintage” – ads. Most of these just left me shaking my head. I think it’s safe to say that advertising was a male dominated field back in the day.So a coconut, marshmallow coated, cream filled, chocolate cake for a head is what Hostess thought was glamorous?? They’re guys, it’s the car but nice of Chevrolet to give a warning in their ad.
“All you ladies might as well be warned right now: You’re going to be the target for admiring eyes – perhaps a few whistles, too – in your slick new Chevrolet.”
Not one single case of throat irritation but maybe lung cancer? John Wayne beat his lung cancer in 1964 only to die of stomach cancer almost 20 yrs. later.. So sad. Not entirely sure how this ad is selling pants but, um, okay… And what’s with the creepy kid ads?

Maybe those kids are the reason for so many ads like this.

And ya’ know, maybe it’s not so much the kids as her asshole husband over-reacting because she bought the wrong coffee.

Then again maybe all she needed was a vitamin.
“Gosh honey, you seem to thrive on cooking, cleaning and dusting – And I’m all tuckered out by closing time. What’s the answer?”
“Vitamins, darling. I always get my vitamins.”
And speaking of pep. I need to get a lit’l pep in my step because I’ve got a shit ton of stuff to get done! – Maybe I need a vitamin!

Our weathermen were wrong. We have a beautiful day filled with sun and temps in the 60’s so you can bet I’ll be out in it. Be well my faithful readers.
Only 4 more A to Z posts and then it’s back to our regularly scheduled programming!
Right about now this is the way I’m feeling about the A to Z Challenge.

(U)NDERWEAR – Blogging A to Z

Today’s word is brought to you by Hanes, Fruit of the Loom, Victoria Secret, Vanity Fair, Jockey and Joe Boxer. Just to name a few. – Can you guess the word???
That’s right – UNDERWEAR!
Once upon a time this was underwear…
In modern day, it comes in a family pack.
Is this really a debate for men???Boxers vs. briefs??

Personally, I prefer the boxer brief.
And if you could “bend it like Beckham,” that’d be awesome.
Woman aren’t so picky. We just want something that’s not gonna’ crawl up our ass or give us panty lines.
Obviously, men don’t care…
Is this underwear or an engagement ring? You decide.underwear carrotIt’d be kinda’ hard to fit that carrot on her finger..
And I’ll just leave it at that.
I’m so glad women don’t have weird underwear. Do you think she’s “Ram tough?”

Did you know they made underwear for dogs?
Okay, not exactly this..

But this.. It’s a dog thong. Seriously. Would you put one on your pet???
I’m the first one to say that I love putting clothes on my pup but this??
Yeah, no.
Now, I have to tell you. As someone who sews A LOT. Never in a million years did I know that you can make clothing FROM men’s underwear but apparently you can.. Raise your hand if you’d wear it anywhere other than Walmart.
Tttthhhat’s all folks! – Just FYI, there’s a lot of shit written and posted about underwear, and I saved you all from eye bleaching today so you’re welcome.
We’re having rain all week so just assume that my whole week will be spent reading and sewing. If anything thrilling and spine chilling happens to occur I’ll be sure and let you all know.
Oh. Like this for instance. – Another “u” word? Under, as in under surveillance???
Slightly curious as to why the Los Angeles Sheriff’s Dept. is reading my blog..
Super curious why it’s the ‘Miranda Throws A Pleasure Party‘ post.

(T)RENDING – Blogging A to Z

Trending. The world according to Facebook and Twitter.
TRENDING on Twitter –
#Lemonade – Apparently when life gives Beyonce’ lemons she makes a new album.

This is what the rest of us make.
#UFC 197 – Not.A.Clue but apparently Daniel Cormier is a pussy.
And of course, #GoodnightSweetPrince
TRENDING on Facebook –
***Death
Pike County, Ohio: Police Release 911 Calls and Identify 8 Family Members Found Fatally Shot
Michelle McNamara: Crime Writer, Wife of Comedian Patton Oswalt, Dies at 46
Wilmington, Delaware: Teenage Girl Dies After Being Assaulted at High School, Officials Say
And, Prince: Family, Friends Attend Private Funeral for Musician, Publicist Says
Also trending? McDonald’s introduces the “Grand Mac” and the “Mac Jr.”
****Okay, here’s the thing. The “Grand Mac” is supposed to be bigger patties on a bigger bun.
Really? Because if you’re old like me you’ll remember when the original “Big Mac” had bigger patties and was on a bigger bun. – I just wanted to throw that out there…

Currently, the new “Grand Mac” and “Jr. Mac” are only available in Ohio and Texas. I don’t know if that’s because they’re just doing a blind test run or if they’re trying to drum up business for their local heart surgeons.
Here’s the calorie break down –
“Mac Jr” – 480 calories
“Big Mac” – 540 calories
“Grand Mac” – Weighs in at a whopping 890 calories!

Or there’s the healthier choice loaded with protein. This one is available on local roach coaches food trucks everywhere.
Another “T” word? TODAY
Today I will finish the mess I started yesterday.
Today I will stalk blogs.
Today I will finish an art project I started yesterday.
Today I will finish the laundry.
Today I will officially be caught up on the A to Z Challenge!
Today I will drink, much, much, much, much coffee because I need it!
Anything thrilling and spine-chilling planned for your Sunday? I hope whatever you’re doing it’s as fun as it can be or as peaceful as you need.
Happy Sunday and happy last week of A to Z’ing!