FRUITCAKE’S HEAVENLY TWIN

snowflake-gray-lineI LOVE gingerbread and unlike fruitcake, the evil twin – sorry Cranky, hahahahaha – gingerbread is delicious!

Side Note: Cranky and I have both written about fruitcake. He writes lovingly because you know, with a blog named Cranky Old Man, how else would he write?
You can AND SHOULD read his fruitcake post here.
Read it and let me know if you, like me, are a fruitcake bully.

I write not at all so lovingly about fruitcake (check my tagline, “and one foot in hell..”) and other gross food, here.
snowflake-gray-lineWhen my kids were little I would attempt – key word attempt – to make gingerbread houses with them. Sadly, I have no photos but they were very basic. Gingerbread glued together with frosting, more frosting on the roof and at the seams, and then a bunch of candy stuck to it. Candy, that hours later, one by one fell off onto the table as the frosting dried and crumbled away.
snowflake-gray-lineI didn’t attempt those gingerbread houses very many times. Mainly because of this…
Whoever belongs to this mess feels my pain and I stand in solidarity with them admitting defeat as a fellow
NON-architect of gingerbread construction.
snowflake-gray-lineOn the flip side of my disastrous gingerbread house attempts are these amazing gingerbread houses…
cma-gb-house2 cma-gb-house3 cma-gb-house4 cma-gb5
I wish I had known about this one when my kids were little.
It’s not gingerbread, it’s Poptarts!
I love it!
cma-gb-poptartOf course, if after several attempts your gingerbread houses are epic fails.
Here are a few options.

You can buy a kit, which a lot of women in line at Jo-Ann’s were doing. Several at a time in fact.
I always found these questionable as far as freshness goes but the women I talked to in line said they were wonderful.
So, option #1.
cma-gb-joannsOr, option #2, altho I’m not entirely sure how lazy a person needs to be to accomplish this..
Back home we have a word for this one.
Ghetto.
cma-gb-bread-spiceOr, my favorite, option #3.
cma-gb-dinosnowflake-gray-lineDo any of you make gingerbread houses or have you at least attempted them?
If you have, success or fail, you should absolutely share the pics!

We finally got some winter weather. FINALLY. We didn’t get a huge amount of snow but just enough to get the roads wet n’ icy. I only hit one patch that caught me by surprise and almost sent me full circle down the road but my Michigan driving skills kicked in and all was well.
michigan-drivingHappy Wednesday everyone. Half way to the weekend. Any plans??
Whatever you’re doing, wherever you’re going, be safe. If you’ve got winter weather just remember, there is NO place worth dying to get to. Be late!
If you’ve got good weather. Enjoy!

I will be doing all things Christmasy today and sending happy Christmas vibes to all of you!
snowflake-gray-lineMimi’s quote for the day –
hansel-and-gretelsnowflake-gray-line feather

EVERY TIME A BELL RINGS YOU’LL SHOOT YOUR EYE OUT

cma-20-dayssnowflake-gray-lineGrowing up there were two Christmas movies we watched every year.
One was ‘White Christmas’ to which every song and dance number was memorized and acted out in the middle of our living room at least once every Christmas season.
cma-white-christmassnowflake-gray-lineThe other movie we always watched was ‘It’s A Wonderful Life.’ This became my most favorite Christmas movie of all time. I can’t remember a year of my life when I haven’t watched it at least once. In fact, I will watch it as many times as it comes on tv!
I should probably purchase the DVD.
cma-wonderful-lifeThis is such a feel good, cheer for the underdog, warm n’ fuzzy kinda’ movie. I just love everything about it and no matter how many times I watch it I always, always find myself saying out loud with Zuzu (George Bailey’s little girl),
“Every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings.”
Side Note – This is the first movie that got me really thinking about life. How just one person missing from your life, whether it’s you or someone else, would make such a huge difference.
Think about it for a moment. Take yourself out of the equation of all things that you know to be your life. How would life be different for those around you? How many of those around you now would even be here?
Interesting, huh?
snowflake-gray-lineMy second favorite Christmas movie came along in 1983, the year my oldest was born. Yikes!
‘A Christmas Story.’
cma-christmas-storyThis movie just brings back great memories of big, puffy snowsuits and being bundled up so tight you can only move in a robotic state. There was definitely no running and God help you if you fell down. You’d lay there like a turtle on it’s back waiting for a friend or sibling to take mercy on you and help you up! Not even kidding.
And the whole touching your tongue to a flag pole? Nope. Not this Michigan girl. You learn early on not to fall for that triple dog dare.

Side Note – I would totally own one of these lamps and display it proudly in the middle of the living room window WITH the matching stocking close by.
You can see the stocking here.
FRA-GEE-LEE!!!
snowflake-gray-lineHappy Monday!
Go me, I got a post done early in the morning! Woo hoo!
My Monday is all about spending the day shopping with my boy. Always a great way to spend a day.

We still have no snow. We may, in fact, have a green Christmas down here in the valley. It just seems to fluctuate between too cold to snow and too warm to snow. It’s a little crazy.

What’s on tap for your Monday? Shopping? Snowstorms?? Or just snuggling in??
Here’s to a great week ahead!
snowflake-gray-lineMimi’s quote for the day –
cma-dear-georgesnowflake-gray-linefeather

NOW BRING US SOME FIGGY PUDDING…

snowflake-gray-lineI’ve never had “Figgy Pudding,” aka “Plum Pudding” but I’d be open to a taste testing if it were an authentic figgy pudding with the original ingredients which interestingly enough did not include figs. Not that I don’t love figs. I do but originally they weren’t a part of the figgy pudding recipe.
However, raw beef or mutton fat was. I know, disgusting but hey, brandy was also a part of the original recipe so I think one cancels out the other.
According to my online source Google, you can find an authentic figgy pudding recipe here.
snowflake-gray-lineAltho I wasn’t privy to figgy pudding growing up I do remember a few of the following “gems” adorning my grandma’s Christmas buffet. And thankfully a few of them did not.

My grandma did do her Christmas hams with the pineapple and cherries. I do mine this way and my kids do theirs this way..
cma-ham
My grandma did not do this whole fish thing. Gross!

Somebody used to bring one of those Jello vegetable mold salads. It was soooo disgusting but my dad taught us to take a tablespoon of everything on the table so a tablespoon we gagged down or scraped into the trash when no one was looking!

My grandma always had cocktail weiners but she never displayed them quite like this…


And my grandma always had a couple of these.

Platters n’ platters of these and she always used those tiny silver ball decorations that were impossible to chew!
cma-cookies
Least favorite thing on grandma’s Christmas buffet?
This. Gross, gross, gross!
Waldorf salad with mayo and apples and walnuts. SO gross!
I have no idea who brought it but it was always there and always disgusting.

AND THIS!
Ugh. I can’t staaaaaand fruitcake and somebody always brings one or makes one and evvvvverybody always says, “Oh, you’ll like my fruitcake.”
Okay. No I won’t.
Not in the rain, not on a train.
I would not like it here or there.
I would not like it anywhere!
cma-fruit-cakesnowflake-gray-lineYour turn. Spill.
What were your favorite Christmas foods growing up?
What did you scrape into the trash??
Anybody ever had authentic figgy pudding?? Was it good??
snowflake-gray-lineSadly, I will not make my self-imposed shipping date of tomorrow but I’m definitely shooting for Tuesday!
Happy Sunday folks!
snowflake-gray-lineMimi’s quote for the day –
(I really do…)
cma-sleigh-full-of-fabricsnowflake-gray-line
feather

THE STOCKINGS WERE HUNG…

cma-22-dayssnowflake-gray-linecma-candy-out-of-a-sock
snowflake-gray-lineI remember Christmas stockings being so basic when I was a kid. Red fuzzy sock with a white fuzzy cuff with your name written out very carefully in Elmer’s glue and sprinkled with glitter.
Tada! You had a stocking.
It’s a little bit different today…
snowflake-gray-lineWe hang stockings for our dogs…
cma-st-dog-paw
And for our cats…
cma-st-fish
Sometimes we hang our dogs IN our stockings…
I wouldn’t advise this.
cma-st-puppy
And sometimes we hang our cats IN our stockings…
I’d like to see how they pulled this off.
cma-st-cats
I like the personalized stockings.
For the G.I. Jor or G.I. Jane in your life or if you happen to be married to a “doomsday prepper” or Sylvester Stallone.
cma-st-military
For the lit’l buck-a-roo.
cma-st-horse
Girls night out?
cma-st-boots-women
Guys night out?

I think this one is super cute.
But you wouldn’t get much stuff in it.
cma-st-grinch
This one is kinda’ cool for the wine connoisseurs..
Or just the wino.
cma-st-wine
Then there’s this guy.
He’s got the right idea.
cma-st-cenntipede
And my all time favorite stocking???
FRA-GEE-LEE!!
cma-st-christmas-storyLove, love, love this movie!

snowflake-gray-lineAnother late post which means I’ll be making my blogging rounds late but I’ve got the coffee brewing and I’m heading your way!

I had plans to do some shopping today and got as far as Joann Fabrics and their forever long and winding road of a line and said screw it. I made a quick stop at the grocery store, which really was super quick, and then I came home.
I’ll head out again tomorrow as soon as everything opens and try this whole day all over again.
Best laid plans, eh?

I hope your weekend has started out much better than mine. I feel sooooo stinkin’ behind!
snowflake-gray-lineMimi’s quote of the day –
snowflake-gray-line
feather

THE WHITE CHINESE ELEPHANT

christmas-23-dayssnowflake-gray-lineSome people, maybe most people, call it a “White Elephant Christmas.”
We always called it a “Chinese Christmas.” I have no idea where either of those names came from but they’re both basically the same Christmas get together game.
Sort of like Monopoly is basically the same game – depending on who you’re playing with.
snowflake-gray-lineHere are the rules to the “White Elephant Christmas.”
Just click on the pic. I chose one of the random websites of thousands that explain this game.
(These are the same rules we used for our “Chinese Christmas.”)
snowflake-gray-lineSo, hopefully, you clicked on the link and read the rules.
If not, I’m skipping a whole lotta’ shit here and jumping straight to the gifts.
Invite your people. Set a price on how much everybody spends on a gift.
Everybody brings a gift for at least that price.
You can spend more on a gift but you shouldn’t  spend less than the agreed upon amount.
The gifts can be useful, they can be a dud, they can be a pair of fucking socks – who knows.
As an example, here are some homemade/store bought “White Elephant,” “Chinese Christmas” gift ideas $20 dollars and under.
Enjoy!
snowflake-gray-lineFor the book lover on your list –

And the music lover – (Who can resist “The Hoff?”)cmas-gifts-david-hasselhoff
For the girl in your life who just doesn’t want to let summer go –
cmas-gifts-flip-flop-slippers
And here’s a handmade version – sort of…
cmas-gifts-hm-maxi-slippers
Guys always need new underwear –

And Christmas Eve is always Christmas pajama day –

Surely there’s a girl on your list who loves her shower gel –
cmas-gifts-blood-shower-gelAnd don’t forget the stocking stuffers – Students, kids starting out on their own.
cmas-gifts-hm-life-tool-kit-rock-paper-scissors
I would actually like to try this.. I love wasabi!
cmas-gifts-ss-wasabi-chapstick

And who doesn’t love a good ‘ol fashion jigsaw puzzle?
cmas-gifts-sawdust-puzzle
Oh, but wait. In case it’s a combo party. “White Elephant,” “Chinese Christmas,” AND “Ugly Christmas Sweater.”
Well then, here ya’ go!
Side Note – It appears these lovely holiday sweaters are only available in children sizes.
Mental Note – Rename family Christmas party.
“White Elephant,” “Chinese Christmas,” “Ugly Christmas Sweater,” “Bring Your Freaky Kids” Christmas party.
cmas-gifts-ugly-sweater1snowflake-gray-lineIt’s Friday folks and a late post which will end with me snuggling in and watching some ‘Scandal’ on Netflix – I may be an addict. – I finished all 12 seasons of ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ and that was amazing. ‘Scandal’ appears to be as well although it does remind me an awful lot of ‘House of Cards’ with Kevin Spacey – also on Netflix.
I need a fucking life.

What’s your weekend looking like? I’ve got a quilt to start and finish this weekend and some shopping and wrapping and baking to get done. Fingers, eyes and toes all crossed that everything will be ready to be mailed out on Monday.

It’s gotten cold here and we’ve had a few flurries but so far no snow. The ground is still too warm nothing sticks. Last year we only had snow twice in the valley and it barely covered the grass. No complaints here. If we want snow it’s just a short drive away…

Here’s to a productive, warm n’ snuggly weekend!
Cheers!
snowflake-gray-lineMimi’s quote of the day –
hot-cocoasnowflake-gray-linefeather

THE HOLIDAY MIX MASH IS OVER!

snowflake-gray-lineRaise your hand if you saw this mix mash of holidays when you went into a store near you.
Now raise your hand if you’re sick of seeing this mix mash.
Yeah. Me too.
Seriously retailers, slow your roll!
This jam packing all of the holidays into one giant sales ad shopping spree is ridiculous. Is it really too much to ask to let us get thru one holiday before you’re dropping the next one on our heads??
And just a question to all of the powers that be in retail and marketing.
Do any of you have kids??
This is hell on parents!
“Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom…”

#HolyFuck    #ItsOver    #NoMoreHolidayMixMash
snowflake-gray-lineSide note – Notice there’s not a whole lot of marketing for Thanksgiving??
Obviously, Thanksgiving is not a money maker to the powers that be.
Obviously, these same powers that be have never gotten the receipt for my Thanksgiving meal!
snowflake-gray-lineWhat say ye’? Do the stores pull out everything too soon?
Lemme know in the comments below!
snowflake-gray-lineIN OTHER NEWS –
I can’t believe it’s been a month since I’ve blogged. Geesh. Seems like one day runs into the next and then the next over the holidays.  I hope all of you had a happy Thanksgiving with lots of great people gathered ’round eating lots of great foods, making wonderful memories.

It was just the 3 of us – my son, his girl and me – for our feast and we made enough food to feed a small country, most of which ended up in the freezer!
But it was delicious and will be delicious again in stews and soups and casseroles and peanut butter n’ jelly n’ turkey sandwiches..
Yeah.. I pretty much never want to see food again in my entire life.
Sort of.
snowflake-gray-lineI’ve been busy with all things holidays. I did not, however, go out on ‘Black Friday’ which was really ‘Black Thursday’ for some places. Nor did I glue my ass to the computer for ‘Cyber Monday.’
Did any of you? Where were the deals?
I didn’t even look. I’ve been checking off my “list” for a while.
Now it’s just all about getting things mailed out on time.
snowflake-gray-lineI will try to be much more present in the blogging world this month.
Unfortunately, when I step away from my blog, I step away from the whole blogging realm – you…
And honestly,  it’s not that I’m not thinking of you, I am and I’m trying to get everything done so I can catch my breath on this end and catch up with all of you. In fact, I’m heading to as many of you as I can right now!
Happy December everybody! Here’s to a month of good will toward all men…
snowflake-gray-lineMimi’s quote for the day –
snowflake-gray-linefeather

WHAT DO WE NEED???

That’s right folks. We need more butthurt.
Why? Because we don’t have enough people being offended in this country.
Remember my post from yesterday about the celebrity couple dressing up for Halloween as a pilgrim and an Indian and everybody being offended?
If not, you can read it here.

Well,  because I didn’t want to travel down all of the roads under construction to get to my regular stores, today, I had to go into that store we all love to hate, Walmart.
You can read how much I loathe love Walmart, here.

All was well. I found everything I needed. I actually got into a checkout lane where my cashier spoke English AND another employee who also spoke English helped bag my groceries!
What the hell? I had to check the signs around the store.
Was I really in Walmart?? I was feelin’ a happy dance coming on and then, boom.
Yep. I was in the right store alright.
Fucking Walmart…

Apparently. SOMEBODY GOT FUCKING OFFENDED and Walmart  employees are NOT ALLOWED to call the day after Thanksgiving sales, “Black Friday” anymore.
True story folks.
“Black Friday” is now called, “The holiday event.”
Ya’ know what?
I’m not even kidding.
If I hear one more ridiculous, mother f*cking “I’m offended,” this will be my head.
What is wrong with people?
I hope 2017 is the year that NOBODY GETS OFFENDED.
I know, I know…
divider-fall-leavesIt’s Thursday folks. Also known as ‘Thirsty Thursday.’
Time for me to pour myself a HUGE glass of wine and settle into my new Netflix addiction, ‘Grey’s Anatomy.’ I started it from the veerrrrry beginning. I forgot what a great show it is.

The weekend is fast approaching. Who has plans?
Shout ’em out. You know I want to hear!
divider-fall-leavesMimi’s funny for the day –
divider-fall-leaves
feather

DEJA – NO!

Just when I thought we had left the month of all things scary behind us, I read a terrifying article.
Apparently, “skinny jeans” are out.
That’s not the scary part.
This is.
“Mom jeans” are in. Ugh.divider-fall-leavesFor those of you who don’t know. These are “skinny jeans.” I may have rocked these back in the day with a pair of stilettos, a cut-off t-shirt n’ super cool Joan Jett hair but who knows. It was a long time ago.
In any event, they’re out and “mom jeans” are in.
These are “mom jeans.”
Once upon a time you were the social outcast and wouldn’t be caught dead in “mom jeans.”
What could be more flattering than a pair of high, elastic waisted jeans with a long ass zipper and a crotch that goes right up your hoo hoo?

Or maybe it’s the backside with those big ‘ol pockets on your big ‘ol elastic waisted mom ass. And let’s not forget those tapered legs that had every woman who wore them looking like a walking pear.
Yeah. Let’s bring those back.

Apparently, Khloe Kartrashian is. Of course, she is.
Reason number 6,798,328 that I can’t stand those morons.

I’m guessing that her idiot sister Kim Kartrashian begged her to design something, anything to fit over her own, so fucking big it needs it’s own zip code, big ‘ol silicone ass.
So Khloe thought. Hey, “mom jeans.” Haven’t seen those in a while.
Here’s her version.
What is with these people and their ass implants??
You know if they didn’t have celebrity status they’d just be some hood rat chicks with fat asses roamin’ the streets.

Here’s another pair of Khloe’s designer “mom jeans” worn by her other idiot sister, Kourtney.
If you’d like to purchase these or any of the jeans from the Kartrashian “mom jeans” line, you’ll find them here for $205.00 plus tax.
Yeah. NO!

If Khloe’s “mom jeans” are a lit’l too steep for your “mom jeans” budget.
Here’s another pair of “mom jeans” by ASOS.
They’re only $62.00.
Seriously. Are there any women out there, moms or not, that are actually buying this shit??
These aren’t “mom jeans” these are homeless bum been walking the streets for 30 yrs., jeans!
What the hell is wrong with people?

Here’s a perfect idea of what they should do with ALL of the “mom jeans.”

And just in case you guys out there think you’re exempt from the whole jeans thing.
Nope. You’re not. There are “dad jeans.”
They’re not bringing these back because according to my amazing people watching skills in the mall at Christmas, they never left and every dad already has a pair.
divider-fall-leavesHappy Wednesday folks! We’re half way to the weekend.
You can do it!
divider-fall-leavesMimi’s quote for the day –
forgottendivider-fall-leaves
feather

TOUGH TITTY TUESDAY – SERIOUSLY?

TOUGH TITTY TUESAYHappy November folks!
This “Tough Titty Tuesday” is brought to you by…
divider-fall-leavesSeriously. I think people just go out of their way to look for shit to be offended by.
Apparently, actress Hillary Duff and her boyfriend – whoever he is – offended “the masses” with their Halloween costumes.
Are YOU ready to be offended??
“Many thought the costumes were racially insensitive.”
Are you fucking kidding me right now???
Racially insensitive?
This is by far my most unbelievable “Tough Titty” to date!

You can read all about Hillary’s “offensive” costume choices here.
Of course being in the land of “Hollyweird” and all things liberal and politically correct, Hillary and her boyfriend did something I would never have fucking done.
They apologized.
Hillary Duff said, “I’m SO sorry… It wasn’t properly thought through.”
Properly thought through? It’s an Indian and a pilgrim!

THIS is offensive people! Be fucking offended by THIS!!
divider-fall-leavesI’m Italian.
Here’s a dog dressed as spaghetti and meatballs.
dog-spaghettiNOT OFFENDED

Here’s a guy dressed like a piece of pizza.
pizza-costumeNOT OFFENDED

Here’s a whole family dressed like pizza!
pizza-costume-familyStill… NOT OFFENDED

My mom is German, French, Irish AND Indian (Pocahontas)
costumes-tough-titty-tuesdayNOT OFFENDED, NOT OFFENDED, NOT OFFENDED, NOT FUCKING OFFENDED!
divider-fall-leavesNo surprise this week’s “Tough Titty” shout out goes to all of the dumbasses sitting around waiting to be offended by something.
divider-fall-leavesIt’s been a lit’l quiet in my corner of the world.
Busy but quiet.
Today was day 1 of a new schedule for me. In bed at 9pm and up at 4am.
Quite a change for a night owl who often times didn’t go to bed until 4am. This new schedule is supposed to increase productivity and I have to say, it has done that. At least for today…

We had zero trick or treaters last night. But I was ready!
What’s been happening with all of you??
Did you do anything spooktacular for Halloween??
How many trick or treaters did you have?
The kids seem to be fewer and fewer with each passing year.
I don’t get it. If I could still trick or treat, I would!

Happy November 1st my friends.
Take a look around. There is much to be offended about thankful for.
divider-fall-leavesMimi’s quote for the day –
thankful-heartdivider-fall-leavesfeather

CHIP, CHIP, CHIP-A-ROO!

Most of you who are my regulars here or friends with me on Facebook know that I love my creepy crime shows and documentaries.
In particular, serial killers.
In particular, how to spot them BEFORE they become full blown serial killers.
According to all of the documentaries I’ve watched and most of everything I’ve read – years of reading and studying – there are two traits that are common in MOST, not necessarily all, serial killers.
1.) Animal cruelty.
2.) Arson.
There are other behaviors to be considered of course and an overall mental health check up wouldn’t be a bad idea but those two traits pop up on just about every serial killer out there.
So, here’s my thought.
If a child displays those two traits, and whatever else is needed to deem these children potential serial killers, why don’t we just chip them?
Seriously. I watched an interview with the mother of a serial killer and she told of her son setting his sister’s bedroom on fire at the age of 4 because he was mad at the sister.
The mom shared this story like she was telling you, “Looks like it’s gonna’ rain today.”
Really???
The mom goes on to say that as her son got older he would put puppies in a box and shoot them.
AND SHE DIDN’T KNOW THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG WITH HER KID????
She said, “He was just a normal little boy.”
Okay, setting your sister’s bedroom on fire and shooting up boxes of puppies is NOT a “normal” little boy.
CHIP THAT KID!
I’m sure chipping a kid is against a million and one laws in this country but if a parent was willing I don’t see why it couldn’t be done. You can put a chip in your kid’s tooth in case they get lost or taken. Put a chip in your kid before he ends up the one taking a child.

How much easier would it be for law enforcement to track and find a serial killer?
Little Johnny starts some fires and kills some animals when he’s 8 years old. Take him to the doc, get him evaluated and if all signs point to being a serial killer, get a chip put in him.
That way ten or fifteen years later when 30 women come up missing and buried somewhere in the desert outside of Phoenix the cops can check their serial killer chipped kids – now adults – to see if they’ve been in that area.
I think it would work.

What say ye’? Would it work or is it cruel and unusual treatment?
You know I wanna’ know your thoughts so leave ’em in the comments below.
Please, and thank you.
It’s a brisk day here in Boise. Seriously considering turning on the heat but nope. Not gonna’ do it. I agree with this Michigan mom, Autumn Brandon on Facebook.
I had a similar sticky note on the thermostat when my kids were growing up.
We’re supposed to have a wonderfully rainy weekend and I’m happy about that. I love rainy weekends where you can snuggle in and catch up on some reading, or at this time of year, snuggle in and watch – for me – a semi scary movie, very, very semi scary.

What are your plans for the weekend?
Staying in or going out?
Please share.
Mimi’s quote for the day –
feather